Lacrima: Chapter Twenty Nine

One Left

Lucille trudged up the hillside with an umbrella in hand. Job pushed aside a low-hanging branch. As she passed the branch, the arm rebounded back with a wooden slap across her face. She continued on, trying to stick to the more solid path. Gutters of mud split the path from the rest of the forest. Splatters of earth painted the lower parts of her dress.

At no point had Lucille previously ventured outside the mansion. The rain never stopped for the…

What? Lucille paused. Seven? Eight months. Has it been a year - maybe?

In any case, Lucille’s self-drowning attempt was the first time in her long stint on the island. She didn’t mind never leaving the mansion because of the storm. Inside suited her best. That’s where she could write. Where she could meander at any odd hour to the dining hall to eat. Where she had four walls holding her close. Where she could be alone with her thoughts.

Upon thinking of time, Lucille recalled when she first arrived. For her, Elysium was the true face of the mansion. She and seven others - the Great Eight as Esau nicknamed them - enjoyed Elysium. Lucille remembered fondly how lively the halls and rooms were. Servants roamed and worked with little issue. She got to know the others well over many evenings of games, conversations, and memories.

Zachary caught that fish when the rain wasn’t so bad, she thought, trawling the sediment of her past. Esau’s a vegetarian, but was really excited to have the group cook their own meal. He’s always… Was always encouraging.

A deep sadness bled through her.

Dorris. Ah, Auntie Dorris. She told me so many stories about the diner back home. Her crappy ex-husband. She said the coffee here was too good, too rich for her tastes. We played a lot of mah-jong.

She couldn’t stop remembering, though she feverishly wanted to.

And Maxine. They shared my love of theater. Service helped us make a mix-tape of our favorite shows.

How could you do it, Konrad? she wondered. She thought she knew how he pushed through the deaths of his closest family. Lucille envied that. All she could do was push them away.

Away, but never through.

Zachary got so stir crazy he went fishing when he really shouldn’t have. He slipped and cracked open his head.

I still don’t know what happened to Dorris. She just disappeared one day.

Maxine. They left the island without an answer.

I couldn’t save a single one of them.

One-by-one.

Hachito, Edward, Kaylene, and Bruce.

By the end, Esau and I were the only ones left.

Esau stood tall in Lucille’s mind. How could he not? Esau was the one who kept pushing Lucille out of her shell, continuously bringing her down from her room. He went out of his way to talk to her. He even read her writing and encouraged her. Everything he did made her feel wanted in this large group. Two months later, she started to think of them as an odd sort of family with Esau Nebble as a wonderful kind of father to all. Even as Lacrima grew quieter and quieter, and the Servants stuck to the insides of the walls, and the light fixtures no longer bloomed, but guttered, and the warmth chilled, Esau remained.

Esau always remained.

“Lucille.”

“Huh?” Lucille realized she stared at the white bark of a birch tree.

Job looked at her. “Come on.”

“Sorry.” They continued their walk.

Run-off water struck their umbrellas. The rainwater came down in trickles, gushes, and drops, flowing down through the irregular mesh of branches. Ancient, moss-garbed stones rose on either side of the path. Roots clutched to the ground and hemlocks, oaks, and birches stretched to the canopy above. The path itself wasn’t linear. It curved around, accepting the whims of the forest’s growth. Lucille kept tripping on the little wobbles of the quivering road. Job soldiered on, unbothered by it all.

Finally, he stopped at a rocky overhang. Lucille leaned to look past him. Bae shot her a disgruntled look, wearing a now sullied dress. Konrad regarded Lucille, but looked towards Job. No one could look her straight in the eye.

“We’re getting off this island,” Job told them.

“How easy is that going to be?” Bae asked him, but then glanced at Lucille.

She cleared her throat. “You just need to get on the boat. I send you all off with no issue.”

“That’s it?” Bae cocked her head to the side, still heavy with scrutiny.

“As simple as that,” Lucille said. “I have admin privileges. That includes blessing any transportation to and from the island.”

“Good then.” Job said. “Let’s go pick up our stuff, get into the boat, and you can send us on our way.”

“Hold on.” Bae pointed a finger at Lucille. “How do I know she’s not going to spring a Servant the second we get into the mansion?”

“I promise I-”

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Bae cut her off, but focusing her attention on Job.

“You have her word,” Job said. “In addition, she already knows what you’ll do to her should anything out of the ordinary occur.” He shot Lucille a look. She, in turn, rubbed the back of her head.

“Okay, but like she said - she needs to sanction the trip,” Bae continued. “If we had to…” She put a thumb to her neck and dragged it across her jugular. “...her, then we’d be stuck here. Even if we knocked her unconscious-”

“I’ll let you go!” Lucille yelled out. “God! I won’t do anything. I’m done with all this.”

“At least that’s something we agree on,” Job said, stepping between the two.

“Guys…” Konrad made his presence known. “What about Catherine?”

Bae backed away, biting her bottom lip. Her hand went to her temple.

Lucille looked down at the ground between her shoes, caked in mud.

Job adjusted his glasses. “Yes, what about her?”

“What do you think I’m going to say?” Konrad broke into the center of this crowded circle. “She’s still down there. Catherine even connected with us. We owe it to her…”

Flicking his eyes to the side, Job contemplated this. “Konrad, Bae couldn’t get Catherine back. We don’t even know if she didn’t end up like Argus. She might be dead. What connected us might’ve been her spirit, I suppose.”

“No, she’s alive. We…” Konrad sniffled. His hands swallowed the Mothman necklace whole. “We have to try.”

“Konrad, I think you’re right - her being alive,” Lucille said. Bae, Job, and Konrad looked at her for the first time in this conversation not with scorn. “None of the Servants can act of their free will. Catherine responded to a question. That’s more than anything any of them can do on their own.”

“What about Service?” Job asked.

“Only Service can answer questions directly,” Lucille said. “Think of Service as a ‘distinguished Servant’ or a ‘first among equals.’ So the fact that Catherine broke through that chain of command means she’s not fully chained like the Servants. She’d have to be alive.”

Konrad’s face twinged. “You’re saying there’s a chance.”

“A slim one,” Lucille answered. “A very slim one. She’s down in the… I don’t know what you would call it. Esau never gave it a strict name. On different occasions, he called it the ‘basement,’ ‘the computer rooms,’ ‘the palace below,’ and other mundane and/or fantastical titles.”

“I think not giving what’s down below a definitive name,” Bae started. She uneasily shifted her weight. “Might be more accurate than giving a single name.”

“And I can corroborate that as well,” Lucille concurred. “I went down there with Esau to get administrative privileges. He gave me access to them before he…” Lucille pulled her hair from her eyes. “...was swallowed by the Throne itself.”

“Wait,” Job interjected. “Could Catherine have been taken in like Esau was?”

“No,” Lucille said. “I don’t think so. Esau never speaks anymore. He might as well be dead. Or maybe, he is and… Just trust me on this, Catherine is probably alive as of now.”

“Okay,” Job nodded. “Now tell us, why is retrieving Catherine only a slim chance?”

“We’d have to go down there,” Lucille answered. Bae felt a shiver up through her spine.

“Can’t you demand Catherine be returned?” Job probed. “You’re an admin.”

“My privileges have limits,” Lucille explained. “There are different levels of access to the mansion. Mine allows me to issue higher commands to the Servants, fully reorganize the mansion, and access some of the more esoteric features of Esau’s mansion. I can also, theoretically, open a path to what’s below. But once we’re down there, that’s Esau and Sisyphus’ domain. The Servants will act on their commands first and foremost.”

“I was still able to command them as a guest,” Bae said. “That’s how I got out.”

“Did you see Sisyphus?” Lucille asked.

“No.”

“Then either you didn’t get very far or you were right outside the Throne,” Lucille said. “Believe me, the Servants follow a different agenda once you get close enough.”

“I did dive deep enough to find that out, though, the agenda,” Bae attested. “They tried to get me to give up. I think they wanted me to die.”

“So, that you would become a Servant, perhaps?” Konrad wondered.

“Let’s not ascribe a motive just yet,” Job cautioned. “We just need to understand the weight of danger we’re putting on ourselves.”

“Yes. That’s where the slim chance comes in.” Lucille finally took in a breath and absorbed herself full back in the group by stepping forward. “Once I got admin privileges, I tried to get into the Throne twice. I had the same curiosity you all had previously. Both times I almost died. It is a mess of computers and wires and Servants wanting to make you a part of the mansion permanently. That’s the bargain Esau made. He tried to make paradise at the doorstep of perdition. And it has and will take anyone who steps down below. Including Catherine.” She raised her hands up. “You have two options. Leave the island and accept Catherine will die. Or, try to save Catherine and accept that you might die.” Lucille’s thumbs curled inward to her palms. “I’ll use administrator privileges for wherever you all decide to go. But that’s up to the rest of you.”

Job lifted his face to the knotted canopy above.

“We should just leave,” he said.

“And leave Catherine?” Konrad protested. He sounded both pleading, but with some bit: ‘How dare you say that’ without fully verbalizing it.

“And leave Catherine.” Job gutted himself to say that, but he believed it. “She’s in too deep. This is our best chance to leave. To get back to our lives. Our families.”

Doubt struck Konrad, then a deep guilt. He could only imagine how Me-Ma would react to him being gone for good. Who would be there for her?

“That’s why I think we should leave and cut our losses,” Job said. Pain creased his face. He didn’t want to make this decision, but he felt he had to. Bae and Konrad would throw themselves into the abyss without a second thought. Bae demonstrated that with actions, while Konrad showed that through words. He needed to be the mediator. The sensible one of the group. They needed him to have his head on straight, even if they thought him cruel.

“I can’t abide by that,” Bae objected. “Job, any one of us could’ve been taken in by what lies below. She just happened to be the first. It’s not right.”

“Yes, it isn’t right,” he growled. “It isn’t fair. Or just. Or whatever else you want to call it. But this is survival, Bae. We’re exhausted beyond belief: mentally and physically. We’d throw ourselves into the jaws of death and Catherine would still die. Do you think she would want us to die with her?”

“No, but I think she wants to live,” Konrad added. “She reached out to us somehow. We have to try, Job.”

Job flared his nose and grumbled. He was less upset with Bae and Konrad and more so disliked what position this put him in.

I need to get us out of here, he thought.

“What if we split up?” Bae asked, this time directed at Lucille. “Konrad and I can go down. Job can ride off on the boat.”

“That’s not what I want!” Job ground his molars together. “I want as many of us to get out, safe and sound. I don’t want any more deaths! I think this is the best way to ensure that.”

“Then…” Bae pressed her tongue to her teeth. “Lucille, do you think we’d have a better chance if we get down all together?”

“Perhaps.” Lucille nodded. “From my knowledge, I only know of groups of at most two going down. A group of four might fare better. I will say, when I went down with Esau, I felt more assured.”

“It really is only two choices then,” Konrad stated. “All of us leave or all of us go down. I think we should go down.”

“As do I,” Bae agreed. Bae, Konrad, and Lucille looked at Job - the last holdout. For a moment, the other three couldn’t read him. Internally, his morals stormed inside him. He closed his eyes and heard the pattering of rain and the hiss of a thousand gales all around him.

“Who am I to hold everyone back?” Job opened his eyes. “It’s settled then. We’re going to save Catherine.”

The small victory warmed Konrad’s chest as he cracked a smile. Lucille nodded in a stoic fashion.

Bae pulled at her dress. “Let’s get into better clothes, get ourselves cleaned up, and rested up. You’re right, Job, we shouldn’t do this utterly exhausted. But I don’t know about the rest of you, I want this settled as soon as possible. Lucille, where do you think we should meet up?”

“At the staircase,” Lucille said. “I’ll guide you all to the center of the mansion and Catherine should be there.”

“Alright, sounds like a plan.” Job broke away from the circle first. He crossed down the path, needing some time to reflect. Before Lucille could follow next, Bae put a hand on her shoulder.

“I still don’t trust you, Lucille,” Bae warned.

“I assumed.”

“If you even think of doing anything against our wishes when we’re the most vulnerable, know that I will be right behind you.” Bae’s breath clung to the back of Lucille’s neck,

“I understand.”

“You better.” Bae broke away and moved forward. “You’ll regret it if you don’t.”

I’ve already got plenty of regret, Lucille thought.

Konrad walked by without much fanfare, but he hesitated before fully leaving. He glanced back at her. “Hey, do you really think we can get Catherine back? Honestly?”

“In truth.” Lucille sighed. “Not sure, but I do think we have a better shot with all of us.”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “I think so too.” Konrad fully turned to her. “I don’t think I can forgive what you did to me. I would’ve rather not experienced those funerals again.” His voice became small.

“You don’t have to forgive me,” Lucille said. “I’ve accepted that none of you will want anything to do with me after all is said is done.” That was a lie. Lucille couldn’t accept that with any amount of contentment. She failed miserably in so many ways that would weigh on her for the rest of her life.

“I will say,” Konrad prefaced. “If you can help get Catherine back, I will be a little less mad at you.” He shrugged. “I wouldn’t be able to help it.”

Is that an invitation? She thought. A little hope.

Lucille scanned Konrad’s face. He pursed his lips and didn’t make eye contact.

“I’ll try my best,” she said.

“I think at this point we want you to do better than your best,” he admitted.

“That’s reasonable.”

Konrad nodded. With his words exhausted for the moment, he made his exit.

Lucille, again, found herself alone. But now, she knew she had a job to do. She picked up her feet and descended from the treeline.

Back into the mansion below.